I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short..actually that's how I feel most days so it's nothing new. However, I wanted to have this post done a few days ago..on the actual day I was going through it but of course, never enough time or moments to actually gather the thoughts.
August 2012 is the same as August 2007. The dates fall in line with the days of the week for both years. I'm not sure what made me think of it, but on Thursday, as I was driving to work, I had so many feelings welling inside of me. And then I started having the flashbacks of 2007 and getting sick and then the realization that I had started the fever and sweats on that day. I remember calling in to work the Thursday in 2007 and because I had fever and chills. And then the journey began...
The other thing was that this past Thursday was Marcellus' birthday, he would've been 5. I don't ever know how to talk with the family. I don't ever really know what to do. Is it the survivor's guilt? It used to be, but now, I don't think it is. I just honestly don't know the magnitude of their grief...that was their child...how would I feel if I lost one of my own?
I did struggle to try and remember knowing that he was born that time. I honestly don't recall, but then geez, I kind of had some health issues going on so I can't say that I should be blamed for not recalling that. But it still runs through my mind, the coincidence of our situations, the timing... Yes, I know, I think alot. But I know things are bigger than me and so I try to comprehend that and see that big picture. Each year, I see more of it, or at least a different side of it. Will I ever understand it in my lifetime? I don't know. I hope...
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