I'm coming home 

I'm coming home 

tell the World I'm coming home 

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday 

I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes 

I'm coming home, I'm coming home 

tell the World that I'm coming 

---Diddy-Dirty Money - Coming Home

The very first time I heard this song, I started to cry.  The memories, the flashbacks of my treatment days where I wanted to just throw the towel in and raise the white flag.  Gosh, how weak was I, right?  Even as I type this, the tears crowd in the corners of my eyes as I remember.  I have been reminded a lot lately of what cancer is, what it does, how it affects each of us - the one that has it, the one that cares for us, the one that cries behind closed doors, the one in the distance who looks and the one who walks away because it hurts too much.  How absolutely horrible it is that this one "thing" can affect so many of us....

I pray that there will be cures that are discovered, found, created, what-have-you...  In the meantime, if you have it - don't give up.  If you had it, live strong and continue to move forward.  If you have lost someone to it, be happy that they no longer feel pain and when you are ready, help others who continue to fight.

My niece is running the Chicago Marathon in October.  Please help her raise funds at http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/DetermiNation/DNFY11IL?px=21141857&pg=personal&fr_id=35207 for the American Cancer Society.  “If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”--Mother Teresa.  You don't have to give a lot, even $5.00 to give up that latte for today, will help...

THANK YOU...

It was 3 years post chemo treatment in March, it will be 3 years post radiation treatment at the end of this month...I am grateful.

I admit it...I don't live in the moment.  I don't engage 100% with whatever I'm doing because in my head, I engage in the other 20 things that I have to, accomplish, be, have, etc.  Even now, as I type this, I am distracted. I wanted to be blogger at one point, to have a site that people came to and laughed, cried, reminisced and found wisdom for something that they were going through themselves...but I don't put enough effort or attention to it.  The pictures I never seem to upload, the thoughts that fly away because I don't regularly sit here in this space to write.

I have a problem with that.  It means I miss out on some truly great moments.  Because I will always have to back up and try to rethink things to figure out what I did miss.  The accident?  Yeah, probably distraction.  The door of my car not being closed and having someone go in the car and steal the Coach umbrella (there was nothing else in the car to steal beyond that) and not noticing that the car door was ajar the whole day??  Really??  How can someone not notice that considering how many times I passed it in the driveway?  Yes, see and feel the frustration level right now?

My kids...please forgive me for not ever being in that moment with you in the way I should be.  So much I want to do, but I don't, because I say I can't...(((sigh)))...

Maybe this is my self-pity blog.  I'm just tired.  Again the signs point me in directions...this happens to be the thing at the moment that I need to realize about myself.  What do I do?  How do I make that change of being only a part-time momenter, to a full-time momenter?