It's been a rough week (and it's only Tuesday)...I thought it was just because a year ago, we lost Little Man and today is his birthday and so it's just been hard. But today, as I was driving, it kept bothering me that the past couple of days I've just been so very, very tired...so teary-eyed and blah...

For each of my children's birthday, I celebrate them and I celebrate me. In fact, for every one of my wonderful family and friends who has a child celebrating a birthday, I celebrate the mama also because it's their day too...it's their birthing day. A woman's birthing day is very special as it is the day that a new life is brought into the world. I was always told that women forget the pain of labour. Hah! I haven't forgotten at all! Three times of not getting that doggone epidural!! But all that pain was very much worth it when I got that wiggly little body next to me. :)

So for each of my children's birth day, I take time out to acknowledge what my body remembers of that day. It's usually with elation, a sense of high feelings, of wonder and amazement that I brought those funny kids into this world. It's a pretty package tied up neatly with a bow.

But birthing days are not the only days that my body remembers. As I've shared in the past, October and March (coincidently the months of my children's birthdays) are very significant as those were my months of diagnosis and end of chemo treatment. I take time out on those days for myself..to reflect, to celebrate, to live. October is usually the harder month where I feel more tired than March. This October will be different as I have little E now so it will be interesting to see how that will be.

But this week, a rough week physically for me and as I was driving to work this morning, I realized why...in 2007, this was the week my body started to turn on me. The coughing started..the fevers started.. This was the week that I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I can't explain that haunting feeling that I remember. I just have snippets of my memory flashing back at times...

So add my body's memories to Little Man's memories and departure and here I sit, at my computer, crying and reflecting. For the mamas and papas who have birthing days without your little one physically by your side...I know not the type of pain that inflicts you but I am deeply inspired by your strength and neverending ability to still share your love with those around you.