What a week!  E had her four month checkup last Monday (yes, it's been four months already!).  They wanted to do three shots and an oral.  I agreed to two and the oral.  She survived.  So did I.  The fever started and stayed until Wednesday or so.  The draining and coughing  has continued to this point.  Wednesday was when my sore throat started.  Coughing soon ensued.  Friday my fever and chills started.  N's fever and chills started Friday night.  S said he felt his throat starting that thing it does when he's about to get sick.  A's been running a low grade today.  Yes, it's been a happy household...yeah, right.

We are all on the mend.  But I won't lie that it hasn't crossed my mind...several times.  What?  This is how it all started three and half years ago.  I got sick with the flu.  The fever and chills, the coughing that never went away. N was the same age as E is now.  Too much in similarities.  And then, when I thought no one really was paying attention, my brother asks me again, how I was doing and I said I was okay.  And he asked again and then said, "You know I worry, right?  This is how is all started before."  Yeah.  That hit home.

But doubt and fear is not what I'm about.  Whatever will be, will be.  I will not fear it.  I can only move forward and continue with what I have to do.  I am not defined by my past, although it does make me who I am.  Does that make sense?  Acceptance of who I was, in order for me to be who I am, creates a me who turned out way better than I ever thought I would and is destined for so much more that is better.  :)  Yeah, that's me.

This blog is about to go on a whirlwind, I have lots of things to work out so be patient and understand.  Comment if you want and help me with my thoughts.  Know that I have truly started to accept that my purpose is that...MY PURPOSE.  And lately, the signs and messages have continued to direct me in paths that scare me but make me realize that as long as I trust in Him and keep my faith strong, He will take me where I need to be.