My oldest son has suffered with food allergies since he was a baby.  Shortly after he was born, I had to alter my diet and get rid of the common allergens in my diet so that I could continue to breastfeed him.  All regular formulas did nothing to help his situation.  He ended up on presciption formula that I had to bid on eBay to get because the insurance company wouldn't cover the costs.  He was on this for over a year.  Bidding against other parents who had similar issues.  It was intense.  And that is without talking about the medicines for the reflux and other things.  I'm grateful that he takes meds so well to this day because that's all he's known.  Whereas the other one, yeah, that's a bit harder.  Trust me, when I have to straddle him down just to shoot the thing in his mouth and for him to turn around and spit it back out....yeah, not so fun.

Anyway, whenever we go out, we have to explain the things that need to be done and avoided when we order for him.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I was too tired, too lazy to find something to cook.  So we went out.  I wanted to just go to Bob E*vans and make it simple.  That didn't happen.  We ended up trying someplace new.  We ordered two kiddie hot dog meals with NO bun.  She comes back and says they don't have any more hot dogs.  I laugh on the inside and smirk thinking what kind of place is this?  So we change the order to hamburgers, no bun, no cheese.  She comes back with two hamburgers on buns.  Well, when you do that, he can't have the hamburger because it's already touched the bread.  We told her that.  She comes back and says those were the last two hamburgers.  No problem, we'll leave.  Pay for the dinner that she put in front of me and go somewhere else. 

He fell apart.  All these years of having to explain and now someone telling him he couldn't eat because of his allergies just tore him apart.  He was balling.  I felt so bad...  He thought it was his fault, that he had allergies.  How many times have I had to try and disspell that thought only to be foiled by this woman who was an insensitive idiot (I'm trying to stay g-rated here). 

I have tried, many times, to ensure that my child knows that his allergies are not his fault.  But I KNOW how very frustrating it is for him whenever we are out that there isn't always going to be something he can eat.  Hell, it's frustrating for me to always have to think ahead and sometimes I don't do that.  So for him, it sucks royally.  I want for him to outgrow it, I really do, but I know that takes time.  And during that time, I, as his mother, really need to step up to the plate more.  I'm slacking and wallowing in my own misery lately.  And that's not fair to him. 

He's the most compassionate and caring little person I know.  He's a wonderful big brother and son and I want the world to be at his beck and call.  Uggg, I'm a sopping mess now.  Frustration and love, two different emotions evoked by the same thing.  That's being a mother, I guess.  (((SIGH)))